Monday, April 20, 2015

The Woes of Commenting

Hey guys! What's up? How's life? Tell me everything! No but seriously, I feel like I've been anti-social on my blog lately, and I hate that. I mean, I've been around on Twitter. But on my blog? Not so much. I've been posting less as I'd have liked this month, and there are a few reasons which I would rather not get into at the moment (I'm sort of in a limbo with something right now, and I don't know how to move forward yet). I think they've really stifled my creativity, and finding the energy to write up posts has suffered in response. I don't want to take another break, but I'm not going to make myself blog if I'm not feeling it. However, not only does this affect how and WHAT I put out on the blog, but it also affects my commenting skills.

First of all, I AM NOT IGNORING YOU. I promise! I have left SO many posts un-replied since the new year has started, and I hate that I did that. I hate the thought of even one of you thinking I didn't care. BECAUSE I DO. Your comments on my blog mean the world to me! I read and appreciate every single one of them. Your comments are what have kept me going when I've thought about quitting before. Even though I've struggled with the commenting and the posting these last few months, you guys have still stuck by me and haven't stopped reading my blog. And that means so much to me! I promise I'll start replying (and I have, for the most part, up until the last few posts) again soon. I'll try to do it quicker too, especially if you ask me a question or want to know something. I just wanted you to know that I've read your comments and I've loved them, even if I never replied.

Secondly, my visiting and reading and commenting of other people's blogs has also taken a toll. And I am SO very sorry if I haven't commented on your blog in awhile! I didn't suddenly just decide that I would no longer read your posts because I hate them and think you suck (I don't think any of you suck; in fact, I think you're all AWESOME). I've been reading a lot of posts, but I haven't been commenting. Usually, it's because I catch many posts at work, but I don't have the time to respond. And if I don't RT them on Twitter, I forget about them later so easily (my memory really sucks sometimes). And also, honestly? When I'm stressed, I back away. I become anti-social. School has taken a lot out of me this semester, but so has life in general. I know it's not really an excuse, since a meaningful comment doesn't take more than a few minutes to type out. But when you just don't have the motivation and energy and desire to do it? You start lacking, and the guilt becomes almost too much.

The dearest Kaitlin (Reading is My Treasure) wrote a wonderful post about commenter's guilt. It is everything I feel and need to remember. If we feel this guilty about our shortcomings, then that means we care. We care about our followers, we care about making sure our favorite blogs know how much they mean to us. We care that we're not doing enough. But the problem is: what measure are we looking at? Who determines "enough"? Who says we've been terrible bloggers? No one! I'm putting so much pressure on myself. No one has demanded more of me than I've wanted to give. No one has demanded that I reply to all of their comments. No one has demanded I visit their blog and comment on every single one of their posts. I need to remember this: I can't do everything, and that's okay! I can grumble about how much time and energy I don't have all I want, but it's not going to change a thing. This stress, this sense of guilt and blame, is only hindering my blogging. It's only hurting myself. I can apologize about this until I'm blue in the face, but the fact of the matter is: no one is telling me I need to say "I'm sorry."

So many of us talk about the woes of commenting. We make ourselves feel guilty about something that we shouldn't have to feel bad about. *I* make myself feel guilty. I mean, I do feel incredibly bad about not replying because I enjoy it when bloggers comment back and a lot of the times, I'll check their posts to see if they did (but there is that handy email thing that lets me know when they do). Also like I said above, I don't want anyone to feel like I don't care about their comments! And I do want to start socializing and commenting more, but I have to remind myself that it's okay if I don't. It's okay that I can't do it all. And it's okay if I need to take a step back.

But right now I currently have a sucky system for finding posts and commenting, so I'm trying to make it better. I think I'm going to use Bloglovin' again, so that way I can have more blogs than just a certain number on my sidebar. I *think* I can also separate them all into different groups, so I'll play around with all of that this weekend or the next. And that limbo I was talking about? Hopefully won't be around much longer. I'd like to start blogging more often, with enthusiasm and heart and passion that I've been sorely lacking the last few months. And I definitely won't stop visiting, commenting, and replying to your wonderful words. It just might be more sparse the next few weeks as finals approach. :)



I know I'm not the only one who suffers these woes and guilt when it comes to commenting. But my question for you is: how do you combat that? How do you not let it affect you? And for the love of God, how do you find the time to do it all? Share your secrets! :P

8 comments:

  1. hi,
    blog commenting is a link building techniques.
    Comments always make me smile. :) I try to reply to every single one of them. And if you leave me a link, I'd be delighted to check it out! :)

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  2. OMG. I get so frustrated with commenting sometimes because I feel like I have to do it to maintain relationships with some of the bloggers I've met. And when I do comment, I feel like I comment more than I receive. The thing is... I want to comment on what I want to read, and I'll admit that I don't read every post that comes across my Bloglovin feed. If I did, I'd have to read over 3000 posts! I pretty much stick to reading (and commenting on) book memes and reviews for books I've already read. It makes things easier for me because I can relate to something personal for someone or I can share my views on a book I already read.

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  3. The struggle is real, my dear. And yes, I know it is self-inflicted, but it's because you care, which makes it SO hard to turn off. I want to give you some kind of wonderful advice but... I am pretty sure I am in just as deep ;) Basically, I bust my ass doing it, but that is because I am upset if I don't- again, no one but me putting on the pressure!

    I DO want to do the Bloglovin list thing too. Because I have been mainly sticking to my absolute favorites as well as those who comment on mine, but I feel like I am missing SO MUCH. And I feel too guilty to unfollow someone so... lists are a good solution! I shall do the same, maybe we will have some success.

    And I hope everything that you are worried about gets figured out soon. And that you feel up to being social again- just because we all love you <3
    Shannon @ It Starts At Midnight

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  4. Blahhhhhhh. Literally that is also how I feel about commenting and blogging in general right now, but mainly commenting. Just because I CAN'T FIND THE TIME TOO and I ALSO FEEL FREAKING GUILTY ABOUT IT but I kind of just want to read and sleep and finish the school year because I have a week of that left.

    I think I will get my life together once classes are done. But now I am taking a little break.

    I FEEL YA ON THIS POST

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  5. STAND BY FOR NOVEL:

    SURE HOLLY, YOU CAN CLAIM YOU'RE NOT IGNORING MY POSTS, BUT WE BOTH KNOW YOU ARE.

    Just kidding.

    Okay, stress and school and life in general are ALL excuses, good ones at that. I feel the same way a lot of the time. And it's HARD to comment when you don't have the motivation or energy or desire to comment. That's why I haven't been either.

    [s]Actually I do demand that you visit my blog and comment on every single one of my posts.[/s]

    It's always okay to take a step back and not comment or to not even read posts if you don't want to. You don't have to force yourself and no one's going to force you to read their blogs or hold it against you.

    You CAN separate blogs into different categories! I did a post on that before. It's a godsend.

    Ah, now for your questions.

    I can't combat it, I can't not let it affect me because I do feel awful when I don't blog or comment or read posts. But I just tell myself "I don't owe anyone anything". I don't. I mean, to a certain degree I [i]do[i/] I should want to comment on people's blogs and visit them, but I don't HAVE to just because they visited my blog or because I haven't visited theirs in a while.

    Oh gosh, the time to do it all? I have plenty of time, I lack motivation and energy, that's the thing. Haha. I really want to do a comments blog now….

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  7. Usually, I use browsing blogs and commenting as a little break between working on schoolwork, reading, and writing posts. I read posts and comment if I want to for about ten minutes (but sometimes I get carried away and ten turns into thirty minutes) and then get back to work. Like you I just cannot get to everyone's amazing posts. Most of the time, I go through a commenting spree on the weekends, which is the only time I have free time. But, I also lack motivation sometimes. I end up wasting time on Twitter instead of doing my homework that is due the next day or writing a blog post that I wanted up days before.
    Good luck with your commenting. I am sure that you will find something to work for you. And don't worry, everyone knows how hard it can be to keep up with blogging, so no one will be mad at you.

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  8. I am right there with you lately - I have been SO incredibly busy and I just haven't gotten around to other people's blogs as much as I usually do!! I've been pretty good about replying still, but it's often a day or two later. This is just a fact of my life right now, though, so I'm trying not to let myself stress about it. I've always been really good about replying/commenting back and commenting in general, so I HOPE that people know me and know that when I disappear for a little while it's not because I've forgotten them!

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

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Comments always make me smile. :) Seriously. Even if you comment on the post weeks or months later, it makes my day! So don't hesitate to leave your thoughts even if it's been a long time since the post was published. I'll try to reply to you, especially if you ask a question, but sometimes life happens. But I do read and appreciate every single one of them because I know how hard it can be to find the time or energy to comment. So a heartfelt THANK YOU for brightening my day when you do. <3